Even if the disease of addiction drove these actions, they still caused real harm. Making amends is a way to own those mistakes, show that you’re committed to change, and rebuild trust with the people you’ve hurt. Making amends is important, no matter if a person is going through AA or not. Write down what happened, who was harmed, and how you could make amends. Once the pain they caused someone else to experience is understood, the person with a substance use disorder can work to ensure it does not happen again. It is healthy and wise to avoid making the same mistakes in the future by writing things down, confronting the person head-on, and creating a space for the healing of broken trust.
The Process of Making Amends
Your past drinking or drug use has shaped your relationships with family members for years now, and just starting recovery isn’t enough to repair the damage done. As the holiday season is underway, now can be a good time to make intentional choices to make amends with the people who matter most in your life. When you offer an amends, it means not only do you apologize to the individual you hurt, but you also demonstrate to them, either directly or indirectly, that you have also changed your behaviors. Amends translates to aligning your words with your actions while learning in recovery how to live by a new set of principles to maintain a sober lifestyle.
Step Series
- Instead, it requires consistency in how you show respect and care for this person on an ongoing basis.
- This is when you ask a sponsor, recovery coach, or similar support person how to proceed.
- For example, say that you stole $20 from your brother while you were using.
- These are all normal emotions that many people in recovery face when they choose to make amends.
On the flipside of the same AA coin, it is equally important that you don’t procrastinate making amends. Because, based on experience, many recovering individuals have relapsed when they allowed their fears to keep them from doing Step Nine. Dr. Bob, one of our original founders alcoholism symptoms could not stay sober until he went around town and made amends to all those he had hurt. We have already begun making amends to ourselves by changing some of our behaviors, attitudes and beliefs. The part of the amends process whereby we change ourselves has an effect on everyone around us and goes on long after we’ve spoken directly to someone we have harmed.
The List Of Wrongs
As time passes, more of your mistakes might be revealed, and you’ll realize you still have messes to clean up. To help you answer these questions, we put together a guide to the living version of step nine. Many aspects of the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) can be humbling. Prove to those who love you that you are a person of your word, and they can rely on you when things get tough.
Understanding How Trauma Shows Up in Our Lives and What to Do About It
They also have the opportunity to work on repairing their relationships with friends and family that may have been damaged because of their previous addiction struggles. But as mentioned earlier, making amends isn’t just about saying sorry and acknowledging past mistakes. Making amends is a crucial aspect of addiction recovery as it helps individuals repair relationships damaged by their past behaviors. It fosters complete honesty and allows for healing, both for the person making amends and those affected by their wrongdoing. If you or someone you love is struggling with active addiction or substance abuse, our specialists are available around the clock to assist you. At Recreate Life Counseling, we offer both inpatient and outpatient programs, with evidence-based addiction treatment designed to support every stage living amends meaning of the recovery process.
Apologies vs. Amends
However, they may suddenly feel guilty and decide to change their ways. They can make a living amend to change their lifestyle, get sober, and stop stealing from their parent. One of the greatest regrets some people endure is not apologizing to a loved one for past wrongs before they die. Many individuals know that they need to apologize to someone they love but fail to do so out of pride or ego.
An apology is saying, “I’m sorry I broke your mug.” But making amends is buying them a new mug or offering to fix it. The same idea applies in recovery—you don’t just say you’re sorry; you show it through your actions. Address harm caused or intended and take full responsibility for negative behavior.